A brother in my family group told me to address one of our members as she/her. This made me acutely uncomfortable, and I made this clear. Then my small group leader confided in me that when this fellow was baptized, he had body dysmorphia, and that is why I should treat him as a woman. But shouldn’t he have had the humility to “die” to himself, to allow his mind to be renewed, and be baptized as God created him? I simply don’t see how his baptism was legitimate. Anyway, I have been told to call him by his new female name, it I refuse to. I respect your teaching a lot, so any input would be appreciated! — M.W.
Not knowing this individual personally, and wondering whether the dysmorphia is accompanied by a degree of hermaphroditism, my view would be that this may be something to be worked on after baptism, not before. Sure, all Christ-followers should strive for humility, but resistance to the uncomfortable, hard edges of reality isn’t always an indication of pride. Fear, confusion, misunderstanding, anxiety, and other factors need to be taken into account. It is possible that counseling and lots of time (probably years) will be needed to work through the issues and to effect a biblically and biologically sound self-perception. Since the Bible never says gender dysphoria disqualifies one for baptism, I think it unwise to make a rule. However, this is not to say it’s an unimportant issue!
If you can’t in good conscience use the name he prefers to be called by, then I wouldn’t. After all, there are other ways to greet someone. Do your best. Trust that in time this person will accept who he is, who he was created to be. Crippling anxiety, through the power of the Spirit, may give way to contentment and confidence.
I also suspect that professional counseling is needed—something your local church leaders may not be qualified to offer. Also needed: huge doses of grace, patience, understanding, and love. Is this helpful?
